Navigating the Holidays: Parenting Children with Autism, ADHD, and PDA During Christmas
- Katie Walker
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
The holiday season brings joy and excitement for many families, but for parents of children with Autism, ADHD, and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), Christmas can present unique challenges. The sensory overload, changes in routine, and social expectations often make this time of year overwhelming for both children and parents. Understanding these difficulties and preparing creatively with low demand environments can help create a more enjoyable Christmas experience.
Understanding the Challenges of Christmas for Children with Autism, ADHD, and PDA
Children with Autism, ADHD, and PDA often experience the world differently. Christmas traditions can clash with their needs in several ways:
Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud music, crowded gatherings, and strong smells can overwhelm children sensitive to sensory input. Even something as seemingly simple as flashing xmas tree lights can create sensory overload.
Changes in Routine: Holidays often disrupt daily schedules, which can cause anxiety and distress for children who rely on predictability.
Social Demands: Family visits and social expectations may feel stressful or confusing, especially for children with PDA who resist demands and control.
Emotional Regulation: The excitement and unpredictability of Christmas can trigger emotional outbursts or shutdowns. Excitement can be 'felt' as a trigger for children who have difficulties with interoception.
So...how are we going to get through it? With empathy and practical strategies.
Preparing Early and Setting Realistic Expectations
Preparation is key to reducing stress during the holidays. Parents can take several steps well before Christmas Day:
Create a Visual Schedule
Use pictures or simple words to outline what will happen each day. This helps children anticipate events and reduces anxiety about the unknown.
Discuss Changes in Advance
Talk about any changes to routine, such as visiting relatives or opening presents, in a calm and clear way. Repetition over several days supports understanding. If having these conversations creates tension, pop it on a post it note and leave on the fridge (or somewhere the child will see it). This is a good way of highlighting an expectation non verbally.
Set Boundaries for Social Interactions and presents.
Explain who will be visiting and how long the visit will last. Let children know they can take breaks or leave if they feel overwhelmed. My children do not have to say thank you, they do not need to open presents in front of others or at all. Presents can be overwhelming for children. Leaving them to one side, until the child is ready is okay too.
Prepare Sensory Support
Gather noise-cancelling headphones, fidget toys, weighted blankets, or other calming items your child uses. Having a room or a pop up tent (if your travelling to others) for your child to escape to is a good idea! Lots of regulation time on Ipads is okay too! Having these ready at every opportunity. .
Adjust Expectations
Accept that the holiday may not look like a traditional Christmas. Focus on what works for your family rather than trying to meet outside pressures.
Creating a Sensory-Friendly Environment
The sensory environment plays a huge role in how children with Autism, ADHD, and PDA experience Christmas. Parents can make adjustments to reduce sensory stress:
Control Lighting
Use soft, warm lights instead of bright or flashing decorations. Consider dimming overhead lights during gatherings.
Limit Noise
Play quiet background music or none at all. Provide a quiet room or corner where your child can retreat if noise becomes too much.
Choose Comfortable Clothing
Avoid scratchy or tight holiday outfits. Let children wear what feels best to them, even if it’s PJ's all day.
Simplify Decorations
Use decorations that are visually calming and avoid clutter. Too many colors or moving parts can be distracting.
Manage Food Sensitivities
Offer familiar foods and snacks your child enjoys. Avoid forcing new or challenging foods during meals. Remember for children with ARFID just the smell of new foods can be over powering. Your child may prefer not to be around these foods and sit somewhere else, away from these new or overwhelming smells.
Supporting Emotional Needs and Communication
Emotional support and clear communication help children navigate the excitement and stress of Christmas:
Use Clear, Simple Language
Explain what is happening and what will happen next. Avoid abstract phrases like “Santa is watching” if they cause confusion.
Validate Feelings
Acknowledge your child’s emotions without judgment. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset or overwhelmed. Sometimes just the expectation of 'being happy' can be too much for a child with PDA - thats okay.
Encourage Expression
Use tools like emotion cards, drawing, or calm-down jars to help children express their feelings.
Offer Choices
Giving choices reduces resistance, especially for children with PDA. For example, let them choose which gift to open first or where to sit.
Plan Breaks
Schedule quiet time or sensory breaks throughout the day to help your child reset.
Managing Social Situations and Family Gatherings
Family gatherings can be challenging but manageable with thoughtful planning:
Prepare Family Members
Share your child’s needs and strategies with relatives in advance. This helps them understand and support your child. Make sure all adults know and support how to react in times of distress or difficulty.
Limit Visit Length
Keep visits short and sweet to prevent overwhelm. Plan an exit strategy if needed.
Create a Safe Space
Designate a quiet room or corner where your child can go if they need a break.
Use Visual Supports
Visual timers or social stories can help children understand how long the visit will last and what to expect.
Respect Your Child’s Limits
Don’t force interactions or participation in activities. Let your child engage at their own pace.
Making Gift Giving and Receiving Easier
Gift time can be exciting but also stressful. Here are ways to make it smoother:
Choose Sensory-Friendly Gifts
Select toys or items that suit your child’s sensory preferences and interests.
Wrap Gifts Simply
Avoid noisy or difficult-to-open wrapping paper. Use easy-to-remove packaging. If children become overwhelmed with amount of gifts, wrap them all together. If children dislike too many gifts, place them to one side and take a week opening them if necessary.
Open Gifts One at a Time
This helps maintain focus and reduces overwhelm. Perhaps all gifts can go in one box therefore, there is only one gift to unwrap.
Prepare for Reactions
Accept their response without pressure of social norms.
Teach Gratitude in Your Way
If saying “thank you” is hard, find alternative ways to express appreciation, like a smile or a thumbs-up.
Self-Care for Parents During the Holidays
Parenting children with Autism, ADHD, and PDA during Christmas can be exhausting. Taking care of yourself is essential:
Ask for Help
Don’t hesitate to delegate tasks or ask family and friends for support. If you have few people to ask for to help or perhaps Christmas falls onto your shoulders alone then adapt your expectations of yourself. Do not overwhelm yourself. The children will only want your attention and time. The dinner, the games, the social events and other expectations tend to be societal expectations or adult wishes. Remember, the likelihood is your child will just want 'you' and 'your time'.
Set Boundaries
It’s okay to say no to events or traditions that feel overwhelming.
Take Breaks
Find moments to rest and recharge, even if it’s just a few minutes.
Connect with Support Groups
Sharing experiences with other parents can provide comfort and practical tips. Social media can be a great place for this.
Celebrate Small Wins
Recognize and appreciate the moments that go well, no matter how small.
It is also okay if you shut out the world, eat cheesy chips for dinner and survive the day! I have had Christmas's like this too!
Christmas is also a great way of taking stock.
What did Christmas look like last year?
What struggles did your child have last year that are easier this year?
What interventions did you try in the last year that have really worked for you?
There is still time to book a family support session before the children break up from school if you wish to end the year feeling supported.
There is also still time to book a session to just consider you and your emotions if you feel overwhelmed.
I hope that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas and manage to make some memories, no matter how small, no matter how different.
Much Love
Katie x
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