I just want to play with you too! Christmas Chaos!

Parenting multiple children with multiple special needs can be challenging. Myself, a single mum to three neuro spicy children, can prove interesting at the best of times.

My youngest son craves routine, calm and one to one interaction with an adult ninety percent of the time.

My middle daughter has a diagnosis for ADHD and autism. Endless energy, no idea of time or place and cannot adhere to a routine well.

Finally my eldest son has ARFID and Autism. All children have sensory processing disorders which keeps me on my toes.

Christmas time is especially difficult for parents with neuro-spicy children. Excitement, sensory overload, emotional regulation difficulties, routine changes and different expectations at this time of year, all play a part. I consider myself pretty good at planning ahead and attempting to ensure all the children have their needs met but usually there is something I have overlooked (because I am only human).

This year (2022) was no exception. I ensured regular emotional check ins were planned throughout the day, a quiet spot for children was created if they wanted to take themselves away from the main event at any time and a calm, plus gentle approach was taken on the day. I try and take away as many expectations as I possibly can, knowing that I need to go with the flow on this day to suit the children. The only expectations of me was to be at my parents house in the afternoon at around 2pm, to cook the children their favourite cooked breakfast and to walk the pup. Easy yes? No!

Our Christmas Day started as I am sure many others did. Present opening in the morning, followed by a special breakfast. The children opened their presents and my youngest took himself away from this a few times, which was absolutely fine.

Once the presents were open and quite rightly so, my son, aged 5, wanted to play with his new toys with me. He requires one-on-one adult attention more than other children his own age. My daughter, age 11, also wanted help to put on her new stick on false nails and put batteries in things. My daughter also needs help as cannot manage to organise activities very well without becoming distracted or getting it wrong (in her mind) resulting in a meltdowns. They also were both very hungry and sugar high from the chocolates in their stockings.

I found myself telling the children, in five minutes! This phrase seemed to come out of my mouth for the next hour as I tried to cook everyone their favourite breakfast.

At this point I had realised that I had already taken on too much for this morning, it was all becoming fractious and I wanted to play with them too!

However breakfast was on the plan. My children already knew the plan (we spoke about it one week prior) and so changing it could have been headed for a worse outcome! Something as simple as cooking 3 different breakfasts can take a while when you are also bouncing between requests from the children. It was turning out to be more like lunch.

Before I knew it the time had come around to attend my parents house. We attended their house and left the new toys at home. I still hadn't played with my children. Something they and I so desperately wanted.

We arrived home late and sleepy so it was straight to bed for the children and tidying up for me. It was midnight before I went to bed myself. Super exhausted. The time to do anything as a single mum is rubbish. I do leave as many jobs as I can and prioritise time with the children but somedays, especially on high trigger days, it can be super hard to fit it all in.

On Boxing Day, I had made plans to spend the day with a friend and his children. I had promised the children that no matter how late we get back, they could stay up late and we would play one game from their Christmas gifts together. One-to-one as they wanted. I still had not played with them yet!

At my friends' house we were playing games with his children. My children did not join in. They are not so good in large social situations with other children so they chose to sit out. As I was playing with my friends' children I looked over at my own children realising I had not yet played with them as they had required. I looked in on myself and only wished my children could play together or with others and then it wouldn't take up so much of my time and would be easier all round. I was feeling huge mum guilt. In that moment I wanted to pick my children up, take them home and just play with them, as they had been asking. I just wanted to play with their new toys too with them.

We arrived home at bedtime but a promise is a promise. My son chose that he wanted to play Mario Kart on his new Nintendo Switch. Excellent choice!

Who knew just how long it would take for the games to download on these things. In the waiting time, the children were fractious to say the very least. It was the wrong end of the day and my children are far from patient, everything needs to be instant. The children started to argue and before you know it there is full blown meltdown from both children. It was the end of the day and they were overwhelmed. They were both sent to bed. I felt so guilty.

I wanted to shout as much as they were. I want to play with you too! Just give me a chance to be able to! I felt guilty (for putting them to bed) and saddened (that I had not yet managed to play one-on-one with them). Trying to access the time to sit and do just that at such a busy time of year of visiting others seems impossible amongst the already chaotic routines of getting ready to enable me to get from A to B with the children.

On reflection I think next year I need to allow for more time to just have some down time with my children. I may have got it right with cutting down the expectations this year, regular emotional check ins and quiet spaces set up for the children but I certainly didn't consider the quantity of time needed to get through our usual routines with Christmas on top of that.

I have also realised that I took no photos of the day at all. How does that even happen? How can I be too busy to even take a photo? It takes seconds to do.

We put so much pressure on ourselves at Christmas as parents, looking back it is unnecessary. I was in such a panic about getting places on time. Would it have mattered if I was delayed by an hour? No. My family would have certainly understood. Then I could have fitted in a game or two. Truth is no-one needed to be let down in any scenario if I hadn't have placed such high expectations of myself.

Rather than wishing that my life was somehow easier and that I could manoeuvre more positively without neuro-spicy routines (never a possibility) I wish I was kinder to myself and removed expectations on myself, set by myself, because I just wanted to play with the children too.